I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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