we're blogging at a bar
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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