Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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