I faked an abortion last night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
