let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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