she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
