It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
