ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize