The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
