he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on