I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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