To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.