Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us

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  (828): Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us http://tfl.nu/ml7j
  Replies (3) Good night (2796) Bad night (713)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?

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  (620): Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair? http://tfl.nu/bhha
  Replies (42) Good night (3246) Bad night (775)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

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  (403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now. http://tfl.nu/qiaj
  Replies (40) Good night (8840) Bad night (705)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.

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  (512): Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/4hqu
  Replies (30) Good night (8308) Bad night (749)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.

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  (414): no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good. http://tfl.nu/zhbu
  Replies (23) Good night (5739) Bad night (1149)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.

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  (605): For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell. http://tfl.nu/5mii
  Replies (7) Good night (3431) Bad night (1503)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer

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  (850): You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer http://tfl.nu/uk5v
  Replies (2) Good night (3034) Bad night (684)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me

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  (260): I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me http://tfl.nu/3lh5
  Replies (6) Good night (841) Bad night (2899)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore

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  (678): I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore http://tfl.nu/ro2x
  Replies (5) Good night (1411) Bad night (942)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex

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  (518): I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex http://tfl.nu/h730
  Replies (10) Good night (2701) Bad night (585)
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  (530): View more from California

  So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"

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  (530): So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU" http://tfl.nu/a6ng
  Replies (5) Good night (1324) Bad night (480)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?

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  (319): I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg? http://tfl.nu/atqw
  Replies (5) Good night (846) Bad night (414)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had

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  (905): I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had http://tfl.nu/i6b3
  Replies (8) Good night (542) Bad night (379)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.

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  (912): It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time. http://tfl.nu/lxl4
  Replies (4) Good night (607) Bad night (337)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.

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  (203): I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that. http://tfl.nu/el8i
  Replies (0) Good night (424) Bad night (227)

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