Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.