I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
