on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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