My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
