dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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