Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
