You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
whose parrot is this?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
