Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize