Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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