I'm eating all of the evidence.
so let's talk penis.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
