youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you had me at cake vodka
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
