guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
