i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
