uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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