He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
