my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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