White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
