did you get engaged???
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Randomize
