i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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