My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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