I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
