Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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