I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
