I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
