Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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