real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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