I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
