dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
