hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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