hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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