i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
