Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
