can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
