i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
