It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize