i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have aggressive nipples.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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