When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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