so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
