i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
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There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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