Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
