I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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