had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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