yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
