Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love you. Go after that dick
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