he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
