The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
