I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he thought i was a dude.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
