Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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