You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
