It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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