All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
