4 words: hood of his car
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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