I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
