I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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