She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
