So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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