i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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