We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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