I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
