Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
