I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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