She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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