Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm really busy with my period
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