life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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