Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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