I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
