i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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