do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
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Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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