i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
