I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
