You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
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I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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