why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
