Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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