I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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