Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
